A Couple Things exercise
The goal is not to decide whether your marriage is “good” or “bad.” It is to discover whether you and your spouse are experiencing the same marriage—and find the conversation most worth having.
Start the conversation ↓How it works
Scoring guide
How much do you genuinely enjoy being around each other?
Go deeperWhat’s something we used to do together that you wish we’d bring back?
How well do you feel understood by your spouse?
Go deeperWhat’s something you wish I understood better about you right now?
How well do we disagree?
Go deeperWhat’s one thing I do during conflict that makes resolution harder?
How loved and wanted do you feel by me?
Go deeperWhat’s one small thing I could do more often that would make you feel loved?
How satisfied are you with our intimate relationship?
Go deeperWhat would move this category up one point for you?
How well do we operate as a parenting team?
Go deeperWhat do you think I’m really good at as a parent—and where do you wish we were more aligned?
How aligned are we financially?
Go deeperWhat’s one financial decision you think we see differently?
How fairly do we share the work required to run our life?
Go deeperWhat’s something you regularly do for our family that you don’t think I fully notice?
How aligned are we on what we believe and the kind of life we’re trying to build?
Go deeperWhere is our life most aligned with what we say we value—and where is it least aligned?
How fun is our marriage right now?
Go deeperIf we had an entire kid-free Saturday tomorrow, what would you want us to do?
Compare what you found
The one-point challenge
A healthy marriage is not one that scores 100/100. It is one where you can talk honestly about the places that are not a 10.